Why Are Affairs Happening at Alarming Rates?
There is a deluge of articles and information flooding magazines and the internet on why men and women are cheating on their spouses. Most of these articles suggest reasons such as:
- feeling devalued as a partner in the relationship
- lack of intimacy in the relationship
- revenge or “payback” (women overwhelmingly more than men will have an affair for this reason)
- feeling ignored or neglected
- not feeling attractive anymore
- deviant behavior (men more often than women cannot say no to a past flame)
- angry at the partner
- not having enough sex
- partner is a sex addict
Happiness, love and success are the best things in life. The outcomes of these depend on the ability to create and maintain great relationships. The ability to create and maintain great relationships is having good communication skills. Good communication skills include a good emotional intelligence level that encompasses two main components: listening and talking.
Emotional Intelligence a Strategy in Averting Affairs
Most people do very well at the start of a relationship with their best foot forward. Sadly, later down the road that foot stumbles and complacency sets in.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, control, and effectively communicate our own emotions, and recognize the emotions of other people. Well-developed emotional intelligence skills provide a solid emotional foundation that helps build strong relationships.
More often than not, relationship problems and the desire to start seeking an affair is due to a breakdown in the skills of emotional intelligence.
Having an affair is a choice. If a person is unhappy in a relationship, as difficult as it may be, communicating feelings in a respectful manner is essential in not becoming an adulterer.
Take Ownership of Your Feelings
“I feel that we aren’t having as much sex as we used to.” “I feel you don’t appreciate what I do for you.” “I miss the way we used to cuddle and be more intimate.” Taking ownership of how you feel will get more mileage. Letting your partner know exactly how you feel is essential to a successful monogamous relationship. If what you are respectfully communicating to your partner is falling on deaf ears or your partner is in denial, then laying your cards on the table is crucial. As difficult as it will be – be honest. “I’m not happy and I feel changes must happen, otherwise I’m feeling the urge to stray.”
No relationship is easy. Working on a meaningful and successful relationship is very difficult particularly when life stressors get in the way. Articulating marriage vows and “til death do we part” are easy words to repeat. Practicing them is a life-long process.
Once trust has been abused, a relationship cannot be the same unless the violated partner is totally forgiving and willing to fully trust once again. This is a huge undertaking and few are able to do that. Remember, it’s easy to have an affair, and at times it’s not easy to maintain a relationship. There’s always a choice.
How to Get a Man to Marry You
Many women want to get married, but are afraid to tell their man of their future plans. Other women spend years in a relationship just hoping that their guy will pop the question. Getting married is a goal of both men and women, although women are usually the ones that more readily make it known. If you are single women hoping to get married, here are a few strategies to get a man to ask you to be his wife.
Learn to Date Casually
One of the biggest mistakes women make is putting too much pressure on people they date. From the first date on, they start viewing their date through the lens of a committed relationship. They push for things, like intimacy, too fast. They interrogate their date rather than get to know them little by little.
Dating casually does not mean sex. It’s quite the opposite. When women enjoy the process of dating casually, they get to know their potential love interest on a whole different level. They look at the process of dating as fun as opposed to something one does in order to find a husband. This change in attitude makes singles more apt to find someone right for them, as opposed to a guy who fits a checklist.
Hire a Matchmaker
Let’s face it, if you want to find a husband sometimes the best way to accomplish that goal is the direct route. The idea of hiring a matchmaker might seem like an old-fashioned idea, but they are still plentifully around all over the world. A quick Internet search on the word “matchmaker” will give you a start on how to hire one.
A good matchmaker will proudly share the details of the marriages she has matched. She will also tell you what she will look for when setting you up with a potential partner. Matchmakers find the innate qualities that appear in long-term relationships and use those to determine the compatibility of two single people.
Talk With Your Man About Your Future
Women sometimes date a man for years just assuming that eventually he will ask her to marry him. But not everyone wants to get married. If you are already in a relationship, talk with your man about your future together as a couple. If your man balks at the idea or gets angry, calmly tell him that you’d like to get married, if not to him then to someone else.
You should never give a man an ultimatum, but you should communicate with him. Never assume that a guy you’re dating is looking at marriage down the road. If the man you’re with doesn’t want marriage, perhaps you should move on to someone that wants the same thing you do. Why waste years dating a man who doesn’t want to marry you?
There are many great guys out there who want to find an equally great woman to spend their lives with. Approach your dating life with the confidence that you will one day meet the guy that wants a successful and happy marriage. In the meantime, date with confidence that you will find the right guy for you, if not today then sometime soon.