Marriage coaching: Talking to children about marital problems

Marriage coaching: Talking to children about marital problems

According to marriage coaching expert, even good marriages have times of conflict and disagreement. Arguments are bound to occur on some level in any marriage. Unfortunately, children pick up on conflict and feel less secure when there are marriage problems. Because of that, it’s important to reassure children after arguing with a spouse and it’s vitally important to get marriage help when needed.

Reassure Children that Mom and Dad Still Love and Respect Each Other in Spite of Arguments

After arguments, children need parents to affirm their love for each other, says marriage coaching expert. Because of this, it is important that parents don’t just make up in private. If the children witness an argument between their parents, they also need to witness Mom and Dad apologizing, kissing, and making up.

In marriage coaching it’s not necessary for children to know all the details about the conflict, but it is best if parents don’t shy away from acknowledging that they do have conflict from time to time, but that such conflict doesn’t indicate a lack of love and respect for one another.

If there are siblings in the family, a parent can talk with the children about the fact that they sometimes fight with their brother or sister, but they would be very unhappy if anything ever happened to them. This can reinforce that conflict in relationships sometimes happens even when there is great love.

Children Need to See Parents Using Conflict Resolution Strategies from Marriage Coaching Expert

Children learn by example, and the home setting is the perfect place for them to learn about managing conflict. In a perfect world, children would never witness marital conflict, but since the world is less than perfect, marriage troubles provide an excellent opportunity to teach children conflict management skills or marriage restoration skill for later stage.

Allow children to witness a calm discussion of differences, healthy negotiation on points important to each parent, and apologies and expressions of forgiveness when necessary. Parents who handle conflict wisely in front of their own children are more likely to raise children with healthy attitudes and good conflict management skills in marriage restoration.

Work on Creating a Healthy Marriage or Marriage Restoration

Even though conflict is inevitable in every marriage, it’s important to be diligent in investing in the health of the marriage, particularly for married couples with children, adds marriage coaching professional.

If conflict is more than an occasional problem, it is important to seek out marriage help. Marriage coaching is a worthwhile investment not only in the marital relationship itself, but it is also an investment in the emotional health of children.

Marriage coaching counseling retreats and regular date nights are a good idea for ongoing marital happiness and should be practiced regularly by parents who want to live out a healthy marriage in front of their children.

Ideally Mom and Dad should communicate openly about such events with their children as a way to demonstrate that the commitment to marriage is strong.

It is impossible to avoid all conflict in marriage. When parents argue, reassuring children that Mom and Dad love and respect each other, demonstrating excellent conflict resolution strategies, and doing what it takes to create a healthy marriage are all ways to raise children who feel secure in the love their parents have for each other.

Learn Better Conflict Management Techniques

What happens when there is conflict in a relationship? Most people handle conflicts very badly and as a result their marriages and other important relationships are jeopardized. Poor conflict management can lead to a build up of resentment between people that eventually may cause a complete breakdown of trust.

Learning how to avoid such scenarios is extremely important. At Holy Trinity Church, Brompton, London UK, – the church that birthed the Alpha Course, a new marriage guidance course has been developed which is airing on Revelation TV as The Marriage Programme. The skills learned during this series can be transferred to any relationship with beneficial results.

Why do we Need Better Conflict Management Skills for Marriage Restoration?

The results of poor conflict management are potentially serious:

Over time, angry feelings that are suppressed will ferment and get bigger.
Resentment grows and eventually may be the cause of relationship breakdown
Carrying anger and resentment hinders personal growth
Carrying anger and resentment over an extended period of time can cause both physical and mental illness

How to Improve Your Conflict Management Skills in Marriage Restoration

There are two “types” of faulty conflict management behaviors:

Rhinos are reputed to have a very short fuse which is what makes them a most dangerous animal. The human “Rhino” is a person who feels angry and has to express that anger suddenly and sometimes explosively.

The hedgehog is a shy creature who, at the first sign of danger, will roll up into a prickly ball. The human version of the hedgehog handles conflict by keeping their anger and resentment inside. Unable to communicate their feelings through fear of conflict, they become prickly and defensive.

Both of these reactions are counter productive to harmonious relationships.

Top Tips for Improving Conflict Management Skills
Firstly, recognize which conflict management type you are – rhino or hedgehog
If working with your spouse or colleague, ask them to do the same
As soon as anger arises, identify the root feelings and express these feeling clearly and calmly to the other person
Be open and honest; suppressing feelings is part of the problem
Do not be judgmental or critical – simply explain in a calm way what your feelings are at that point in time

Apologize if one is in the wrong. An apology is a speedy way of diffusing anger in another person and is appropriate if one is at fault. Being genuinely sorry is the first stage in rebuilding trust.

Learn how to forgive. Forgiveness is a mental decision – the pain may remain and can be dealt with later in marriage restoration.

Apologizing is an important part of the above sequence of events. Often pride stops people from being able to say “sorry”, and yet if one can get over that barrier, the rewards in terms of better relationships and saved marriages can be enormous. Learning how to listen effectively to what the other party is saying is another important skill in managing conflict more effectively.