Marriage enrichment retreat counselors argue about 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce and what few people realize is that the figures are significantly higher for second and third marriages.
This should be enough to warn newly separated men and women to start dating again with caution, but all too often this is not the case and the newly separated have no idea how to date without causing hurt to themselves, their children, their family and their friends. If only they would pause for a moment and ask, “What are the rules of dating after I am separated?”
Why Do There Have to be Post Separation Dating Rules?
Post break-up dating rules are necessary if the newly separated person wants to maintain friendships, not impose hurt on children and look after him or herself in what is one of the most stressful periods of his or her life. By following these five simple rules in marriage enrichment retreat, the separation will be easier and dating more successful for all involved.
Rule # 1: Don’t Date for at Least Six Months After Separating
This may seem obvious, but a surprising number of newly separated men and women are in too much of a hurry to rush into a new relationship within weeks of separating from their former partner. Marriage counselors advise strongly against leaping into the dating pool before taking the time to heal. Entering a new relationship before understanding and accepting why the old one failed is a recipe for disaster.
Rule # 2: Don’t Date Your Ex’s Siblings, Friends or Mutual Friends
Second rule in marriage enrichment retreat points out that tempting as it may be for a newly separated person to date within his ex’s circle of friends and acquaintances, or even family, he shouldn’t. This will create both a hurtful and a complicated situation for everybody involved. What at first might seem like a simple solution to finding a companion could turn into a disaster for all involved.
Rule # 3: Don’t Take New Dates to Old Haunts
There is nothing worse or more uncomfortable and hurtful than running into an ex when a person is out on a date with a prospective new partner. As comfortable as she might feel in familiar bars, theatres and restaurants where the staff knows her by name, she should avoid these places at least for the first six months of the new dating life, suggests marriage enrichment retreat.
Rule # 4: When Should I Start Dating?
Most separations and ultimately divorces are not entirely mutual if believed to marriage enrichment retreat expert. There is usually one partner who would have preferred to not end the relationship, but regardless of whose idea it was to leave, it is advisable to take a little time to sort out how you are feeling. Don’t date for at least six months.
Rule # 5: Children and Break-ups
Even if a separated person thinks he’s found the perfect future partner, he should take it slow. He should maintain separate residences for at least a year and if there are children involved, he should extend that time until he is absolutely sure that this is the right person for him and his kids. Don’t introduce casual dates to children or agree to be introduced to a date’s kids until you are certain this somebody will become a part of your life. Children adjusting to a divorce or separation can be upset or traumatized if they are exposed to different and new partners on a weekly or monthly basis. You are the adult – put your children’s emotions and feelings first.
Use Common Sense
It is important in marriage enrichment retreat phase to use common sense. Men and women re-entering the dating pool after a long-term relationship can seek advice from a professional or talk to close friends, but most importantly, they should use common sense and trust their instinct when it comes to dating.
You Regret Breaking Up
If you were the one that ended your relationship, you might be looking back with fonder memories than you did before the breakup. However, this doesn’t mean you and your ex are meant to be together, nor does it mean you made a mistake in calling in quits.
Part of the acceptance process is realizing your relationship had good times as well as bad. The important thing is keep it in perspective. Don’t block out all the bad times in favor of the good ones. Aim for a balanced view of your previous relationship.
You Stayed Friends and It’s Harder Than Ever
Here’s a secret: You can’t force a new friendship. Not with someone you just met on the street and certainly not with your ex. While it might seem like a great idea to remain friends after a break up, in reality it will prevent you from moving forward. There’s nothing wrong with simply wishing the person the best and choosing not to see him or her until you’re certain you are over your relationship.
You Compare New People to Your Ex
If you really want to move forward with your life you have to use a fresh outlook on the people you meet. When we first meet people, everything they do can seem strange and odd. Once we get to know them, however, all those tiny things can seem rather sweet.
So instead of looking for similarities between that new person and your ex, make a promise that you’ll get to know him or her. That way, even if they aren’t the right one, you will at least be evaluating him or her on their own qualities and not those of your ex.
Your Ex Found Someone Before You Did
If the last time you saw your ex he or she was begging you not to end your relationship, it can seem a shocking thing to see them with someone new. More than that, it’s human nature to want something you suddenly realize you can no longer have. But as hard as it may seem, be happy for your ex.
Then, get out and date! Start out casually and build your self-esteem again slowly. Think of your ex-relationship as one more lesson that will lead you to the right situation for you.
You Hate Dating
When you begin to date again, it can be a long time before you find that feeling of comfort you once felt with your ex. But don’t be fooled into thinking this means your ex was the one for you. Change means something new and different so naturally you are going to feel a bit apprehensive. But like anything worthwhile, getting back out in the dating world again will bring you that much closer to the right one for you.
